What do you want?

I just read a blog post one of the best ways to improve sales/business being to ask the client questions, playing the 20 question game, I guess. Get to know them, draw them out. My background is in computers-software design and development. For 11 years I've been in a company's Information Systems division, working with our business partners to support and enhance some of our application portfolio. Working with these guys is pretty straightforward. "What do you want" is an entirely valid question. We can be direct and don't have to beat around the bush. Selling different ideas to the business team is a matter of documenting cost, productivity gains, ROI. There really isn't a whole lot of "drawing out" going on. Business goals are pretty definite; the questions are how best to modify the information systems to reach those goals. And, well, computers are just off or on.

Dealing with the business partners in a corporate environment does bring with it lessons in diplomacy. Corporations these days are very much focused on diversity, inclusion, and safe workplaces. Phrasing is very important to avoid overt offense and to create a more stable, objective series of discussions. I've even been able to apply those lessons in internet discussions on various controversial subjects; although, being reasonable and well-spoken often further inflames those who are more passionate and want emotional, thoughtless responses. It's weird. In any case, these lessons allow corporate citizens to co-exist peacefully, but do not serve (as far as I can tell) to help create an emotional connection.

I'm thinking that to properly engage with a client and develop a vision for that client, an emotional connection is required. When it comes to people I know and love, such a connection already exists. For my good friend Jim that loves dirt bikes, 4-wheeling and shooting, I know exactly what kinds of portraits would make him and his wife happy. For a casual acquaintance or a stranger, not so much. Although sometimes someone will say, "I want this and this and that" and be very definite about her needs, I still want to impart my imprint and vision on the results. That's why she came to me in the first place. But to do that and produce a vision that expresses the essence of the client, I need that connection; I need to understand what the client is about.

When much of my life is black-and-white, I've never really had need to develop those connection building skills. What are some tools/resources I could use to help build skills, to be able to establish a connection with a client quickly and genuinely, and start building trust? "What do you want" just doesn't seem very appropriate in this context...

Thanks,
Matt